A Beacon of Light

Jeremiah 29:11

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This passage from Jeremiah has always brought me so much comfort over the years of struggle, conflict, turmoil and trials.  It has always enabled a calming peace and settling of my soul when there is so much hardship and pain happening in my life.  All I would have to do to bring my focus out of the darkness and back into His light, would be to close my eyes and see the words run across my mind.  I would instantly be calmer, more at peace, able to handle the situation in front of me.  

Lately though, that is not working.  I am struggling hard with the passage.  I have always relied on the fact that 'someday' the Lord would reveal those plans he has for me, he would prosper me and no longer allow harm to come to me, he would give me hope and a future.  

It has been many years that I have been living in a dark and dank place, little laughter, and much heartache.  I am beginning to believe that that is the place I am to remain for my time on earth.  

Possibly those words in that passage have not been received by me as he intended them to be.  There is no place in the passage that says the plans he has for me will be great or plans that will come to fruition while I am  here on earth.  His promise to prosper me, doesn't come with a guarantee of prosperity while I am here on earth, his plans for hope and a future also don't clarify when or where they will be.  

And here is the inner struggle.  At this time in my life, I feel strongly that I am not where I should be, not doing what I should be doing, not fulfilling the purpose God has created for me.  I look, I pray, I question and I lose sleep over where I am missing the mark.  I know God has not forsaken me, yet I am still stuck in this rut, not living as I feel in my soul I should be.  I have a deep unrest within me that I am not doing what I am intended to do and a huge frustration that I have lost the key that will unlock that answer.

Since I was a small child, I knew God had a great plan for me.  I knew one day I would change the lives of other women.  I didn't know how (still don't), but I knew I would ( and yes, I know I can).  I have been lead down a very difficult path, one that I believe was intended to build me up to nurture other women and females, to  help them move out of their darkness and into the brilliantly shining light that the Lord has for each of us.  What frustrates me, is I don't know how I am to do that.  I feel I am ready to change the lives of women everywhere and that is possibly why I sit so uneasy right now.  

Today's Prayer: 

Dear Father, I do Trust that You have a plan for me, one that is great and that will ease my restless soul, a plan that will help others and serve you heartily.  I am ready for that plan, I am ready to walk down that path beside you and make a difference in this world, I am ready to be your Lighthouse that beacons those living in the darkness.  Reveal to me what comes next.  I am ready!