Lately my heart has been incredibly heavy.  I have bent God's ear a lot over the last few weeks as to where this heavy heart has come from and how I can move beyond it.  Over and over I have been directed towards the word Forgiveness and verses on forgiveness.  There is an obvious theme here, you think?  

So as I sat earlier today, with my increasingly heavy heart, I closed my eyes and listened to the Spirit within.  Was I holding out on forgiving people that have hurt or wronged me?  I remember saying I forgave them, but in my heart of hearts, I knew that I was still harboring hurt, still holding a grudge for torment or pain inflicted at their hands, whether it was hateful remarks or something far more serious.  I realized I was.  I was harboring an incredible amount of pain, revenge, resentment, anger, hostility, insecurity, hatred and so much other stuff towards several people in my past that  have hurt me.  I have also come to realize that if I don't let go, don't free myself  from those negative emotions that bind me and have literally held me back, I will never be able to move forward. 

In the spirit of being honest, it's a huge list of people I have to forgive!  HUGE, overwhelming, but for my life, for my being, for my future and my soul, it's time.  I imagine this journey in forgiveness may open up some wounds that have scabbed over, but I believe once I finish, God will permanently heal the wounds and remove the scars.  I will be healed and whole.  I will be able to live the life God has intended for me, I am excited, I am scared.  I am ready.

Matthew 6:14-15 NIV

For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.