Little Things

This second day journey into 2013 has been one full of little things that made it a beautiful day. 

I am often amazed at how the little things can add up to become big things in the course of life.  For me those little things came in the form of my children and the constant blessings they offer, when I least expect it.

It started with a text from my oldest son (11) wishing me a good morning and telling me how much he missed me at his overnight.

Next came watching my youngest son (10) greet his friends for a spontaneous afternoon of sledding and snow football. 

Then came the amazing dinner with my oldest child (16), a rare one on one moment that left my heart almost bursting with love, joy and comfort.  I didn't think anything could top off the amazing time I had with just my oldest daughter, but my youngest daughter and her friend were able to top it off.

The final small part to make my beautiful day came in the imagination and innocent play of my youngest (7) and her friend (8) as they played for hours, using imagination and a few props.  I quietly listened as they worked together to build a house out of a Jenga game.  Once the house was built I listened as their compassionate hearts nurtured hurt pet shop pets back to life and guided their babies into making right decisions instead of wrong ones.  In this wired world, their innocent imagination was the icing on the cake to this beautiful day.

The best parts of life often come in small, unimagined moments.  I am so thankful that I got to remember that today, time and time again through the blessing of my children. 

Psalm 127:3-5

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

I have spent a lot of time the last couple of weeks contemplating the course and road I stumbled through the last two years.  Wow, it has only just been a little over 2 years since the upheaval of my life, such a short time in reality, but so long in experience.

A little over 2 years ago, my marriage was a mess, my life was a chaotic turmoil of misery and frustration.  I was not happy.  Everyday was filled with some type of contention, some massive mountain to overcome, some spirit crushing instance.  I was miserable, in spirit, in heart, to be around.  My husband was drinking constantly and his drinking was making him mean and hateful.  I wanted so badly out of this situation, but he wouldn't leave.  He loved the "control" he thought he possessed over the children and I.  He loved ruling over us, "I am a grown man, I can do what I want and the Lord says you have to deal with it and obey me."  He loved to twist the bible and use is against me to justify his sinful ways. He craved the misery, I craved peace.  He loved to remind me that the law would prevent me from removing him.

I can remember one particular night in April of that year, it was a school night, the kids were trying to sleep and he was going to get drunk, he had a "bad day" somebody "mad him mad" he headed down to the basement and cranked the radio as loud as it would go, screaming and hooting, hollering and singing, stumbling his way upstairs to wake the kids to "hang out".  The kids all had school in the morning and were crying and miserable.  As I tried to interfere and usher my kids back up stairs to the quietest part of the house, he began to throw the insults at me, let's be honest, it was abuse, verbal and damaging.  After I finally got the kids back to bed and settled I headed downstairs, my hope was to reason with him, as I reached the landing to the basement, I could hear him on the phone, bashing me to his ex.  I remember crumbling to the floor and crying literally, to God to save the children and I from this awful existence, from the hatred, contempt, disrespect and misery that had become every waking minute.  I prayed for my spouse to have an "awakening", to leave for anything to happen that would just stop the roller coaster that had become my life.

Just a few days later, God answered that prayer.  He didn't answer it the way I would have chosen and his answer created so much more confusion in my already confused mind that it took 2 years to realize that the circumstance he used was the right one.  It took time to clear the hate, the anger, the pain and the resentment that had built up in my mind as fact and reality to be removed and cleared, before I would see that what happened, though painful and confusing was God in control.  It would take that amount of time before I stopped wrestling for control and let God lead, as I prayed for him to do on so many occasions.

It took almost two years for me to accept that I was not a failure, that I had a right to happiness, though my spouse continued to live in misery.  It took me almost 2 years to accept that not all marriages are blessed by God and the dissolution of a marriage such as mine wasn't  failure, it was instead a saving grace.  I want to say that I wish I had realized this sooner, but I know that I needed to walk down the path that I did.   I need to come to the realizations the way I have, I needed to get where I am through the trials that led me here.  Though the process was painful at time, uncomfortable at others and humiliating throughout, I am thankful for what I have been through.  

While I was scrambling to save myself and my children, while we were drowning and others stood by watching, I learned so much about myself.  I knew after what my first husband had put me through I was a strong woman.  But through the abuse of my second marriage, I had forgotten how strong I was.  This particular journey not only reminded me how strong I was, it increased my strength.  I was also renewed.  I was renewed in myself, in my beliefs, my strength and in my relationship with God.  Though I felt like I was withering and dying, I was growing, I was changing, I was becoming who I was destined to be. 

I will forever be changed by the journey I was on, I will carry some scars and a piece of me will always be just a little broken. Not for a marriage that needed to end, bur for the larger family that was destroyed. For the children that suffered, for the  Brothers and Sisters that may never see or speak to each other again.  For the children that I loved and lost.   

The story isn't over, a new chapter is simply being written.  I don't know what tomorrow holds, where I will go next, but I know that God is in control, he always was, though I didn't see it.  For the first time in years, I am content, comfortable and at peace with where my life is right now.  I am confidant that God is in control and I am excited for the next chapter to be written. 

Today's Inspiration

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.  The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

~Thomas Edison

I can remember the days as a baby Christian, when I believed wholeheartedly that when I got to a certain point in my walk or when my relationship with God was at a magical point, life would be so easy.  All the tough times would be gone and it would be smooth sailing.  I am not sure why I thought that, for the bible never said that, maybe it was my ignorance to all the bible said, or just what I wanted to believe, but I have definitely moved out of my infancy in my Christian walk and relationship with God and my life is not any easier, in fact in some ways it's more difficult.

A few years ago I also reached a new level in my life as a mother.  My oldest child became a teenager.  Slowly this beautiful child that I once understood better than myself was becoming a stranger, until the point this past December, when I realized she was a stranger.  It wasn't just the normal changes that were taking place, it was far beyond those.  One day there was nothing about her that was the same.  Her walk, her talk, her dress, her attitude, her beliefs, her focus, her desires literally everything changed.  I realized that I had just entered a ferocious battle of spiritual warfare for my daughter.  Something every Christian can expect to enter into at some point in their life.

While my Christian walk had progressed nicely, there were still areas I was new to or green at and Spiritual Warfare is one of them.  For those that don't understand Spiritual Warfare (as I didn't), it's basically good vs. evil, God vs. Devil.  The devil uses those we love (people, possessions, desires) to keep us from moving forward in Christ and it's up to us to fight him using the weapons God provides in his word and prayer.

In my case, the devil finally found his hole in our hedge and my daughter was his number one target.  He has confused and manipulated my child into becoming someone she never was and believing and desiring things which goes against how she was raised and her own personal beliefs.  In short he has made my life and my relationship with my daughter a nightmare. He has used my daughter to inflict on me; pain, doubt, fear, despair, anger, resentment and hate and many more negative Satan controlled emotions.  While I am a Christian, I also am human and in moments of weakness, those feelings consume me, but only for a moment before I wake up and realize what is happening to me.

During the last 4 months of total despair with my teenager, I have learned one very important lesson; it's NEVER too EARLY to PRAY for your children.  I am not talking about the simple, keep my child safe prayers, I am talking about the deep prayers, prayers about friendships, decisions, direction, the good stuff.  It's hard to conceive if your a new mom holding a sweet and innocent infant that there would EVER be a time that your child would stray from you or worse, herself and God.  

My teenage daughter had always been a good girl, full of life and love.  She is now angry and full of hate and darkness.  She swears, she misses ALOT of school, she argues, she disobey's, she is mean and hateful.  It is terrifying.

I refuse to give up and let the Devil have her or anyone else in my family.  I fight every day, armed with the Word of God.  

Ephesians 6:10-17

 ¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

(When I pray this prayer for my teenager, or any of my children or family members, I put their name into it.  "Finally, (Name) be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  (Name) put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes........".)

The hardest part about fighting the fight with Satan for my daughter right now, is that she doesn't realize that she is even being used as his tool to destroy my relationship with God and hers.  Trying to get her to listen, that's next to impossible, so all I can do and all I have is God's word and Prayer.  But lucky for me, and anyone else in this situation, that's enough.  

Psalms 9:9

The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

God's word can comfort me and prayer can change it all.  No matter how hard it is (and at times it's HARD) or scared I am, I AM confidant the Lord is by my side and that the battle has been won. When the fear, frustration and terror of this situation consume me, or I am weary from the fight, I turn to the Lord and rest in His love, releasing to Him the problems I am facing and trusting Him to handle those problems.  In complete honesty, there are days I have to release my daughter and the situation more times than I can count, as something else happens throughout the day or I get the old urge to pull it back and handle it myself.  Each time though, it gets easier to do and I move one more teeny-tiny baby step forward.

Psalms 55:22

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

As a Christian, you and I can expect to be involved in spiritual warfare for the rest of our lives at some point or another.  Satan, isn't going to give up easy and life is going to go through some dark valleys, but rest assured that GOD wins and so will we.

I will win this battle against Satan and I will get my daughter back and I am sure Satan will try to then attack another loved one, but I will win that war too.  I will win every war that Satan wages against me, for no matter what he does or tries or who he ensnares, I will arm myself with God's word, go down on my knees and fight the fight with the Holy armor of God I have been given.

Today's Prayer:

OH Abba , 

Thank you for blessing me with this beautiful teenager.  I am not unaware of what a true blessing she is and a miraculous gift from you.  We are going through such a tough time right now, personally and in our relationship with each other, but I trust that You are in perfect control of this dire situation and that both my daughter and I will rise from the ashes of this attack, stronger, more confidant and closer to You.  I trust that you will heal any hurts we have between us or within us individually from the spiritual war being waged against us and that we will end up complete and whole in You, victorious over the scheming ways of Satan.  Until this war is over, I release to you this precious child for protection and peace and I release my own need to control and handle all that is happening.  Give me instead, peace in your works, gratitude that you work miracles and strength to continue to fight and confidance that You are in control.

~In Jesus Name

ANXIETY, WORRY and TRUST

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Anxiousness is something I definitely struggle with on a daily basis.  I am a thinker and worrier and a doer. I am constantly putting my energy into those things, which ultimately I know I can't control.  God tells us in Philippians 4:6 not to be anxious by anything but rather to turn it all over to him in prayer, petition and with thanks.  It is so simple to conceive, yet so hard to do.

The things I struggle with in regards to worry are of course, those closest to my heart, my family.  I have learned to let go of money worries, for God has never failed to provide those things I need,the things which only money can buy.  I have learned to turn over the little things in life, such as work frustrations,  car problems, and school, I know that God has my back there too.  

But when it comes to my family, my marriage especially, I seem to go blank and forget all the wonderful ways God has had my back and provided for me.  I know when I can finally let go of the worry, He will have my back here to, but yet I struggle.

Matthew 6:27 

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

My constant worrying and anxiety over my children and spouse, definitely robs me of time.  While I know that worrying about whether my teenager will pass her classes successfully at school or my spouse will remain true and faithful or decided he's ready to walk the walk of the Christian man he tries not to be, will not change the outcome of those events, I still lay awake at night worrying.  It's hard NOT to worry when your a parent or spouse and when you see the people whose lives are so closely intertwined with yours, struggle on deep and serious levels and with issues that could completely alter the path their lives are on.   It's especially hard, when you watch them make mistakes that you have already made.  

Matthew 6:34 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So what do you do, when you are struggling with worry and anxiety.  When the enemy's foothold is  robbing you of sleep and slowing you down.  You turn to GOD!  You trust GOD, you have no choice.  You lay all of your worry, all of the anxiety at his feet and TRUST him to handle the situations that are causing you so much damage.  It's hard and it's difficult to do, but it can be done.  Go down in prayer and ask the Lord to help YOU let go of your worries and anxiety and trust in HIM to handle the situations at hand.  I have to do this multiple times a day still, but each time I do, a little bit of the heaviness that was holding me down and holding me back is lifted and I gain the ability to Trust, just a little more the next time something threatens one of my family members.  

Psalm 91:2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Because I desire to overcome Satan and eventually banish him from my life and the lives of my loved ones, my only TRUE choice when worry and anxiety (which are some of Satan's weapons he uses to bring us down) is to turn it all over to my GOD.  I have learned, that though it's hard for me to do, by turning everything over to God and releasing those worries and anxieties to him, I essentially am getting out of his way and allowing him to really work on those things that have caused me so much worry and anxiety.  If I hold on to even a smidgen of the anxiety or worry, I will be in God's way.  Trust our Father to handle whatever situations cause you worry and anxiety and remove from Satan that foothold with which he is trying to get in and destroy your life.


Today's Prayer:


Oh Father,how thankful I am to have You, who loves me so much, you are more than willing to carry the burdens and worries in my life.  I release to you all the anxiety and worry that consumes me.  You know the the circumstances that I worry about and how I struggle with releasing them to You.  I am leaning on you to help me release those situations that I feel compelled to worry over and I trust that you have the situations in Your perfect control; therefore releasing from me the need to control, worry and stress.


In Jesus Name

GARY RHEA-TRUST IN THE LORD