Acceptance

It seems like forever that I have been on this journey of struggling, constantly turning to God and begging and pleading with him for "something", "anything", "everything" that would make my life so much easier to handle, to live, to love.  

I spent many years miserable, hurting, believing that "if only" would change my world.  "If only" my husband didn't drink so much, "if only" I had a better job, "if only" I were thinner, "If only" I lived in a better home, "if only" ......... you could put just about any circumstance and it would apply to my life and thinking.

I often felt forgotten and rejected by God.  It seemed he NEVER heard a single prayer I sent and if he did answer, they were always, what seemed to me then, the small inconsequential prayers that didn't really change a thing in my life.  

In April of 2010, my life changed dramatically!  I went through an un-imanageable circumstance that came so out of left field, I could only see and imagine that the hell I was suddenly swept into was from Satan.  

It has taken the better part of two years to realize that the horrible circumstance that I woke up to on April 13, 2010 was a miraculous gift from God.  On that day, he began to answer so many of my desperation prayers.  On that day he also began to work in me.  He began to grow and teach me.  He began to develop strength in areas I was weak.  

Sometimes when we don't listen to God and follow His leading, he will use extreme measures to get His point across, which is exactly what he did with me.  What I have learned through God's not so gentle pushing and prodding is that much of my unhappiness was within me, I lacked Acceptance of my circumstances.  I lacked the ability to look inward and upward and accept that I was in a situation or a place that God felt I needed to be in.  

I existed in a marriage to a man that is a hard core alcoholic and was at times abusive.  In addition to those he was adulterous, having many, many, many affairs.  He was horrible with money and lacked compassion and caring for his family.  Those are circumstances that would make any person miserable, but how I handled them and where I turned were the key that unlocked the door from chaos to peace.

I focused 95% of my prayers during those years on changing my husband.   I focused my energy on trying to "help" him, "understand" him and "change' him.  I could have saved much misery for myself and my children had I instead focused on Accepting. 

Once I finally accepted that my husband was an alcoholic, an abuser and an adulterer by his own choice, I was finally able to let go and move forward.  

I can't change the past, the way I handled it or how it ended, but I can accept it, ALL of it, learn from it and move forward much better for it.

While I am sure I have a lot of growth still needed when it comes to Acceptance, I have come so far.  I no longer "wish" for what everyone else has, a better home, job, spouse, kids, car, money, etc.  I am thankful instead for the roof over my head, for the job I finally have, for the spouse I no longer have, for the kids that truly are amazing.  I am at peace in my life for the first time in a long time and I am good here. 

Acceptance was a tough lesson for me to learn and took me down an incredibly painful, bumpy and often dark path, but there is so much beauty as I come to the clearing that it has been worth the pain and suffering to get here. 

It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man

PSALM 118:8

Today's Inspiration: Community

A community needs a soul if it is to become a true home for human beings. You, the people must git it this soul.

~Pope John Paul II

The Gypsy Mama offers a fun and creative way to write on Friday's, when your done here, head over there and challenge yourself!  The goal is to write for 5 minutes on a given topic freely, without editing or pretext, just to write to enjoy!

Topic:Community

START:

Many years ago, when I was a young mother, my then pastor's wife talked to me about what it meant to be part of a community and how I could rely on my church family to help me raise my child.  

At that time, I didn't feel the sense of community and certainly didn't understand what it was she was referring to.  I felt alone and struggled alone.  While the church was great in many ways, there definitely wasn't a sense of community.  I believed then that "Community" in the church was just a made up term to try and connect it's members.

Since then I have found a new church.  One in which the sense of community is so strong and so present that I get what she was saying then.  I have also learned, for me, community is a loose term for Family.  For that is what the members of the church have become to me, Family.

I no longer struggle alone, raise my children alone or worship alone.  No matter what needs I have, I have someone with whom I can seek for guidance, support, love or encouragement.  And on the other end, I can provide those same things to the other members of my community and family.  

Community is real and it's important and without it, I wouldn't be where I am today.  I am beyond grateful.

STOP:

Hebrews 10:24

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Today's Prayer/ Praise:
Thank you Lord for this community you have given me and my children, for this extended family, for the encouragement, inspiration, education, love, purpose and home.  Without them, Without You, Without Community, I wouldn't be where I am today. 

Where does this come from

Today's Inspiration:

Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that.

Hate can not drive out hate; only love can do that.

I am not sure where these feelings deep down within me are coming from, I feel as if I am slipping into the darkness again and out of the light.  It's scaring me. 

I am suddenly overcome with overwhelming feelings of despair, frustration and fear and I really can not pinpoint anything in my life that would cause those feelings.  I also feel much sadness.

I am not particularly fond of these feelings and the old me wants to assume that my life is about to fall apart.  I am exhausted from fighting the all consuming negative feelings that are desperately trying to root in my conscious and overcome me.

The darkness that is enveloping me is causing me to look around every corner, behind every tree and imagine every worst case scenario I can, which is damaging enough, because I am still healing from the past two years and the memories of those two years are enough to send me reeling back to the darkness if I let them, I don't want to let them.  And maybe what I am going through is as simple as that, fear, that the sunshine in my life is only temporary and that soon I will be thrust back into the darkness that I can not control.  

Whatever is bothering my conscious and holding me back, I can't overcome alone, so if you read this post, please pray for me to remain in the light of God's unending love and that the darkness that is threatening to overtake me will not find root.

Jeremiah 13:16

Give glory to the Lord, your God, before he brings darkness, 

before your feet stumble on the darkening hills......

Today's Prayer

Dear Father~ I have been struggling the last few days with feelings of fear, despair, frustration and an overwhelming feeling of doom.  I know that what is of You and from You are not of the darkness and that only You can lift me up from this pit.  I lift myself to you and ask that you calm the raging storm of negative feelings within me and help me return to the shore intact and into Your glorious peace and light. I praise all that you have done in me and my life and all that you will continue to do.  I praise You also, that regardless of what happens in my life, You will be there by my side, to get me through.

~In Jesus Name

Tuesday Good Reads.....Crazy Love

Today's Inspiration

I asked Jesus ... "How much do you love me " And Jesus said ... "This much." Then He stretched out His arms and died.
- Unknown

I just finished the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  I realize that many people jumped on this Crazy Love bandwagon about a year or so ago, when I originally bought the book.   I however, did not read the book until recently when I downloaded it onto my kindle (favorite gift ever).

It was a long wait in getting this book read and finished, but it was so worth it.  Whether you have read the book a year ago or never heard of it, if you desire a deeper more substantial relationship with God, this book is a must read.  

Francis Chan explores the average Christians relationship with God in Churches today.  Throughout the book Chan encourages Christians to explore their relationship with God at the level it is currently and encourages them to push deeper into that relationship, citing examples in the Bible and of others who have exceeded the boundaries in their calling and relationship with the Creator.  


While reading Crazy Love, I was forced to take a good hard look at myself and my personal relationship with Christ.  Throughout this book I realized that I had a lot of work to do in myself and in my relationship with God.  I have put many suggestions in the book into play and anticipate reading the book again, a year from now to see where I have grown and where I still need to grow and encourage everyone to read the book at least once.


Francis Chan also included a video series to get you thinking deeper about your relationship with God for each chapter of this book.  These are also well worth the time it takes to check them out.  I have attached the introduction to crazy love at the bottom of this post!

Below I have included links to the book on Amazon and to the ebook, which is 2.24 on Amazon, not a bad deal to help grow your relationship with God. 

                                                                                                 

The above links are for the book or ebook.

Deuteronomy 6:5

Love the Lord your God, with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Prayer Journal.....

Today's Inspiration

After the writer's death, reading his journal is like receiving a long letter.

~Jean Cocteau

Just a little over two years ago, I began to faithfully keep a journal, which in a short time became a prayer journal.  I recently pulled the early journal out, in the hopes of transferring them here and was astounded by the amount of pain that came through on the pages, it was clear that during those early moments I was not only in a lot of pain, I was also confused and very self-centered in my prayers.  Much of those early writings, when things first happened, were an excellent reflection of my life, they were confusing and made very little sense, jumbled and hard to understand.


As I flipped further through the journal(s), I began to see God's hand in my life, even through the torment, fear, and uncertainty, I began to see where He was in control of my life and how I was growing through the trail I was in.


As I flip even further to more recent postings, my growth has become more centered and more apparent as I read those pages.  I am also able to see not only where God has been working in my life, but also where specific prayers  have been answered.


In a strange way, going back through those old journals and seeing where I was and where I am now, has helped me heal some of the old hurts and calm some of the underlying fears that I didn't realize were still burning within me.


It's helped me as I struggle right now with letting go and Trusting God to see where He has been working and answering those prayers and renewed my spirit to let go of these things I am afraid to release control of, for in my journals, I have irrevocable proof that God will handle it all.

Psalm 50:15

And call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you and you will honor Me......

Today's Prayer

Thank you Lord that you are there for us to call to in our moments of trouble, thank you that you rescue and renew us in moments of trail.  Thank you Father that you hold us steady when our paths are uneven.  Thank you that You will always love us and never leave us.

~In Jesus Name

Today's Inspiration:

People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.

~John Harrison

1 John 4:7-8

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves is born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love, does not know God, because God is love.

It sounds so easy, just love each other, as Jesus loved us.  But, wow, loving others, it is so incredibly difficult, or maybe it's just hard for me.  I truly want to like everyone and strive hard to love and show love to everyone I meet, but I find it so incredibly hard at times, and when it gets hard, I feel failure.

1 John 13:34-35

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

As we go out and about in this world and meet various people, some people are so incredibly easy to love.  They just have such loving, kind and agreeable personalities that you want and can't help but to love them for all they are.  They are also the same people that you can't wait to be around again. And they make us feel good as Christians, cause we pour our love out onto them and into them and around them with no problem. 

Hebrews 13:1

Let brotherly love continue. 

When you come across the opposite people, the disagreeable, conceited, arrogant, cruel, mean and hateful people, it is definitely a whole different ball game.  It's so incredibly hard to love people, who come across as very unlovable.  But THIS is the challenge Jesus calls us to with the most passion.  

  Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

It's not that he doesn't want us to love ALL people, but he challenges us with the difficult ones for certain.  If we were blessed to only love the easy and agreeable, there would be no challenge for us.  But Jesus calls us to be like him, he had a passion for all people, but He had an extreme passion for the broken, disagreeable sinners and so must we.  


So how in the world do we love those kinds of people? We try to empathize with them, try not to assume or judge them and pray, for the ability to love and to lift them up. 

Galatians 5:22

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness

Chances are that many of the hard to loves of this world, didn't ever know love.  They probably don't know Jesus and have never been shown anything different from what they are.  People truly are products of their environment.  If they grow up in homes without love, how will they learn not just to love or what love is, if someone doesn't make an effort to show them and love them?  
This is what Jesus asks us to do, to step in and show them love, to teach them to love and how to accept love.  

1 John 1:7

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

From experience, I know this is so incredibly challenging.  I married a man that never knew love.  His love was given on a limited basis, his parents rarely ever told them they loved him, hugging wasn't the type of physical contact he received and praise was never given (in their defense, they raised him as they were raised).  To love him is hard, for him to accept love, is even harder.  It's a vicious triangle, but over the years, he has broken down some and while loving him today is still hard, it's getting easier, especially when I keep in the fore front of my mind, the conditions to which he grew up and the fact that love was not given openly and freely as it was to me.  I persist and I continue to love him, even when he is trying his best to make me hate him, for I am not just his wife, but I am a Christian and Jesus has called me to love.  And with my husband, he gave me my biggest challenge in loving.

1 Peter 4:8 

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

Loving people is a lot of work and takes a lot of effort for me.  It just doesn't come natural.  I constantly find myself having to reel back negative thoughts and emotions about the person who cut me off in traffic or the couple at church who despise my child for reasons I do not know, or the crabby customer service agent who is rude and uninformative.  I want so badly to give them a dish of their own, but I don't.  Instead I pray for them and force the love towards them, and it's a forced effort often.   I can't control how people act or who loves me or my children, but I can control how I react and how I love and how I teach my children to love.  I can do my part to fulfill Jesus destiny of love for everyone I meet or come into contact with, regardless of how difficult or challenging, I mean if Jesus could lay down his life out of love for us, then I can love all those in my life that make it hard or difficult to love, the family, the acquaintances and the strangers.  

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Today's Prayer

Dear Father, 

Thank you for giving us the ability to love and for making the ultimate sacrifice in the name of love.  Help me to always have love in my heart for any person that comes into my life.  Help me to love everyone as you love us.

In Jesus Name~

Today's Inspiration:

Wonderful Things Happen All The Time

It really is true you know, wonderful things do happen all the time.  Sadly though, most people don't know about the wonderful things happening everyday or think about them or realize what they are.  We live in a world where most of us take everything for granted.   

For instance, it's Spring here (most everywhere) and everyday wonderful, beautiful and simple miracles are happening.  Grass is getting green, trees are budding and flowers are starting to sprout. Those are wonderful things.  They beautify our surroundings and make us feel good.

Another wonderful thing that is happening, right this minute, somewhere in the world; a child is being born.  A new baby, full of life, promise and wonder is coming into this world, a child whose life could make huge wonderful impacts on the world.

Somewhere else, as you read this, a couple are taking vows to love, honor and cherish each other till death does them apart, and they mean it.  Somewhere else a couple is about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and THAT's a wonderful thing.

Sunrises and Sunsets are wonderful things.  Beautiful and amazing, full of God's glory and beauty.  Even more wonderful, is the fact that we are here, alive and breathing to see those wonderful creations each and everyday.

Our world is full of wonderful and miraculous things, some simple, such as flowers budding and birds chirping, others complicated. But when we open our eyes and choose to look and search out the wonderful things of this world, we will find them, God will show us.  

Job 5:9

He performs wonders that can not be fathomed, miracles that can not be counted.

Through the dark points in my life, seeing the wonder in the world, was often hard to do.  It was hard to take the focus off the pain and misery that I was experiencing and search out the goodness, the wonderful, the miraculous.  To find any semblance of those things, I had to make a very concentrated and intentional effort to look and most days, honestly, I didn't want to.  During the darkest days, I wanted to wallow in my sorrow.  It wasn't until God had enough of my wallowing and prompted me to open my eyes to what mattered, not my pain or suffering, but His purpose for me through this pain and suffering.  Once God prompted, no pushed me out of my comfortable,dark, wallowing hole, I began to open my eyes to the beautiful and wonderful world I had hidden myself from for so long.

Like a child, everything was fresh and new to me.  Sunsets and sunrises were awe inspiring.  Blooming flowers and falling leaves were breathtaking.  Even my own body and mind was wonderful and new again.  I was able to see things through God's love and purpose, which gave me a whole new perspective.  News stories about death and destruction never seemed to reach me, but the few news stories about goodness and kindness seemed to always hit my news feed.  

It is no longer a concentrated or intentional effort to find the wonderful things  God has blessed us with, it's natural and all I see.

And if you are struggling today, in your dark pit, think of this, God is a wonderful being in and of Himself, one that will, if allowed, change any life and make it full of wonder, beauty, promise and love.

Psalm 105:5

Remember the wonders He has done, his miracles and the judgments he pronounced  

Today's Prayer:

Thank you Lord, for the wonderful things you give each of us.  For the big ones and the little ones, for the things we don't always even realize at first are wonderful and for those wonderful things we take for granted. Your wonder is amazing.

In Jesus Name~