To Inspire........To Heal...........To Help

My journey into the light has been one that has been long and painful.  Often times the road I walk is rough, I stumble, I fall, sometimes I barely make it back up, but I do get up.  I often have to brush the dirt off me and nurse the wounds left by that trip.

During the seasons of trial I walk the paths weary, afraid, alone and in utter despair, crying out for help, comfort, acceptance and love.  I feel abandoned, shunned and completely misunderstood.  My body and soul are weary and broken, but I keep moving forward, for as often as I have felt alone and abandoned, not just by mankind, but by GOD, I know that I am not and never have been abandoned by GOD, sometimes He is a few steps ahead of me reaching a hand out to help me, sometimes He is a few steps behind me, gently pushing and urging to  take the next step and sometimes, when I feel most alone, He is carrying me, holding me in HIS gentle embrace.  It is during those times, that I am usually the most broken and battered spiritually and physically that until it is over and the path is once again, soft and comforting, that I realize He was carrying me in His gentle embrace.

We all have trials, we all have tribulations and we all have pain, at some point in our lives, we ALL hurt, feel lost, alone and broken. There are too many women out there, mothers, daughters, grandmothers, friends who feel lost and alone, who long to have a hand to hold on to, a person to understand, a person to inspire them to move forward, move beyond, to give them hope!  We all need someone to open the doors on our darkness and flood it with light and love.

Because, we all have a story, each one unique, each one painful and each one important not just to our own selves but to other women.  It is my hope that over the coming days, months, years, that I can share my story, my pain, my heartache and my fears to help other women face theirs and move forward.  That I can inspire them to throw open the doors and let the Light shine on their darkness, to overcome their pain and to inspire them to help heal other women with their stories and their courage.

I have to be honest, this is not something I really wanted to do, I AM TERRIFIED.  To put into words for others to read the painful and often shameful moments of my life does not leave me with warm fuzzy feelings, but it does give me hope that it will make a difference, that someone, somewhere, will suddenly realize that they are not alone, that someone can understand their pain and their sorrow and that those words and my story will give them hope to move forward.

I spent many years wondering what I had done, why I was being punished time and again, and what I realized was that my pain was not a punishment of what I had done, but rather a journey to prepare me to come to this point, to this realization and acceptance of my purpose.  A purpose designed to help others come through their trials victorious.  I have known since I was a small child that I would someday help other women in some capacity, I never knew where or how I would do that.  It wasn't until a friend began to use her story and her pain to heal other women, that I realized that was where my purpose was.  That was the point of the painful experiences and the agonizing trails in  my life.  Her story is different than mine, but no less important.  She will reach and relate to women I won't be able to reach and relate to, and I will be able to comfort women she wouldn't be able to comfort and their are more and will be more to come.

Dear Father,

I am terrified and feel completely unworthy of the task you have set before me.  I know what You have placed in my heart and I know the journey you are calling me to follow, but I am scared.  I trust You to open the doors of opportunity to help a woman who is hurting, who is alone, scared, broken and battered.  I trust You to help me use the gifts and experiences You have blessed me with to help her move into the Light and experience all the love You have. I know this journey will be hard and painful at times, but I trust You to push me when I need to be pushed, slow me down when I need to slow down and carry me when I need to be carried.  I trust You completely.

You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. 
Psalm 18:28