Goodbye 2013

 

 

"Ends are not bad things, they just meant that something else is about to begin."

C. Joybell C

As 2013 quickly and abruptly comes to a close I will, as I always do, sit back and reflect on 2013 as I anticipate the New Year coming.  As I sit back and look at the 365 days that made this year I can only smile, laugh and rejoice.

As 2012 closed I had made up my mind to shut the door on all the difficulties that had encompassed and claimed my life for too long.  Enough was enough and it was time to really live life to the fullest.  I can say with confidence and pride, I did just that through all of 2013.

As that new dawn of 2013 lit up the sky,  I entered a new dawn of my own.  I had for the most part secluded myself for the last few years from everyone except immediate family and those I had to deal with.  As I rose January 1st 2013 I opened the door to my life to others.  A difficult and anxiety provoking task, but one of the long term best decisions I made.  Those who I had kept at arms length were now allowed to enter the barricades I had built around myself. 

Early in the year a song came on the Radio that so accurately described where I had been and where I was going in my life!  I embraced that song and made it my theme song.  I had spent much of my life "catching my breath and letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show".  Throughout the last dozen years, I became conditioned to "riding waves, playing acrobat, shadow boxing the other half, learning how to react".  It wasn't the life I dreamed of or much of a life to live.  So in 2013 I decided it was time to STOP and nobody or nothing was " Going to hold me back, I ain't go time for that." My "heavy heart became a weightless cloud" I was determined that I would be "making time for the ones that count,  laughing hard with the windows down, leaving footprints all over town, keeping faith till it comes around".

While 2013 hasn't been free from challenges, it's hard to sit here late on December 31st and remember them specifically. That's huge!!!!

Throughout the course of the year I LIVED to the truest sense of the word for me.  I truly left footprints not just all over town, but all over the state. I met new people, I made goals and accomplished them, I experienced new adventures, I challenged myself, tested myself and learned to truly accept myself.  I made new friends and renewed the friendships of others.  I shut the door on those that were toxic and I focused on living the life I had always wanted.   I embraced change.  I forgave and forged ahead to enjoy many firsts and bask in past-times once forgotten. 

As 2013 closes I will look back in fondness at the memories made and the life lived and I will excitedly embrace the New Year with the same zest as I close this one out with.  I look forward to embracing new adventures again, meeting new people and continuing to learn to live in the moment and accept things as they come. I am sure there will be situations that test my strength, resolve and patience.  Times when acceptance is hard and letting go is harder.  I am sure there will be moments where insecurities slip in and my past fears surface.  But as long as I laugh more than I cry, rejoice more than I mourn and live more than I exist, it will be another year as spectacular as this one.

Little Things

This second day journey into 2013 has been one full of little things that made it a beautiful day. 

I am often amazed at how the little things can add up to become big things in the course of life.  For me those little things came in the form of my children and the constant blessings they offer, when I least expect it.

It started with a text from my oldest son (11) wishing me a good morning and telling me how much he missed me at his overnight.

Next came watching my youngest son (10) greet his friends for a spontaneous afternoon of sledding and snow football. 

Then came the amazing dinner with my oldest child (16), a rare one on one moment that left my heart almost bursting with love, joy and comfort.  I didn't think anything could top off the amazing time I had with just my oldest daughter, but my youngest daughter and her friend were able to top it off.

The final small part to make my beautiful day came in the imagination and innocent play of my youngest (7) and her friend (8) as they played for hours, using imagination and a few props.  I quietly listened as they worked together to build a house out of a Jenga game.  Once the house was built I listened as their compassionate hearts nurtured hurt pet shop pets back to life and guided their babies into making right decisions instead of wrong ones.  In this wired world, their innocent imagination was the icing on the cake to this beautiful day.

The best parts of life often come in small, unimagined moments.  I am so thankful that I got to remember that today, time and time again through the blessing of my children. 

Psalm 127:3-5

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Unwritten

New Years for me has always been a time of both reflection and renewal.  New Year is the ultimate reminder to me that hope, promise, change and enrichment exist and are ours for the taking, if we choose to take it.  This year the promise of a new beginning and the knowledge that I was finally ready to write the words in the blank pages of life, has been healing; as well as: exciting.

The last three years have been extraordinarliy tough.  They have pushed me and pulled me in every direction.  They have tested, tried, twisted and tortured me at every turn and they have brought me to my knees too often.

The final trial and twist of 2012 has been by far the hardest yet and it left me feeling beaten.  I, for a moment, gave up.  I spent a short time not caring, not wanting, not needing, not hoping.  I questioned and examined every aspect of my life from myself to my beliefs and still felt beaten and ready to give it all up and accept a life of solitude and misery.  But that has NEVER been the true me.
I just don't know to quit.

So as I reflected through 2012, I looked through the trials and into the positive that came from them, came to conclusions about changes I needed to make and truly got excited for the stroke of midnight and the ball to drop that would allow me to move forward.

So this year is mine.  It is about me.  This year is about New beginnings, new chapters and a new life.  It's about writing the life that God has always intended for me to have. It's about pursuing my dreams and kicking fear out the door.  It's about life.  My life and it starts here.

Romans 12:2     

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.