Little Things

This second day journey into 2013 has been one full of little things that made it a beautiful day. 

I am often amazed at how the little things can add up to become big things in the course of life.  For me those little things came in the form of my children and the constant blessings they offer, when I least expect it.

It started with a text from my oldest son (11) wishing me a good morning and telling me how much he missed me at his overnight.

Next came watching my youngest son (10) greet his friends for a spontaneous afternoon of sledding and snow football. 

Then came the amazing dinner with my oldest child (16), a rare one on one moment that left my heart almost bursting with love, joy and comfort.  I didn't think anything could top off the amazing time I had with just my oldest daughter, but my youngest daughter and her friend were able to top it off.

The final small part to make my beautiful day came in the imagination and innocent play of my youngest (7) and her friend (8) as they played for hours, using imagination and a few props.  I quietly listened as they worked together to build a house out of a Jenga game.  Once the house was built I listened as their compassionate hearts nurtured hurt pet shop pets back to life and guided their babies into making right decisions instead of wrong ones.  In this wired world, their innocent imagination was the icing on the cake to this beautiful day.

The best parts of life often come in small, unimagined moments.  I am so thankful that I got to remember that today, time and time again through the blessing of my children. 

Psalm 127:3-5

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

I have spent a lot of time the last couple of weeks contemplating the course and road I stumbled through the last two years.  Wow, it has only just been a little over 2 years since the upheaval of my life, such a short time in reality, but so long in experience.

A little over 2 years ago, my marriage was a mess, my life was a chaotic turmoil of misery and frustration.  I was not happy.  Everyday was filled with some type of contention, some massive mountain to overcome, some spirit crushing instance.  I was miserable, in spirit, in heart, to be around.  My husband was drinking constantly and his drinking was making him mean and hateful.  I wanted so badly out of this situation, but he wouldn't leave.  He loved the "control" he thought he possessed over the children and I.  He loved ruling over us, "I am a grown man, I can do what I want and the Lord says you have to deal with it and obey me."  He loved to twist the bible and use is against me to justify his sinful ways. He craved the misery, I craved peace.  He loved to remind me that the law would prevent me from removing him.

I can remember one particular night in April of that year, it was a school night, the kids were trying to sleep and he was going to get drunk, he had a "bad day" somebody "mad him mad" he headed down to the basement and cranked the radio as loud as it would go, screaming and hooting, hollering and singing, stumbling his way upstairs to wake the kids to "hang out".  The kids all had school in the morning and were crying and miserable.  As I tried to interfere and usher my kids back up stairs to the quietest part of the house, he began to throw the insults at me, let's be honest, it was abuse, verbal and damaging.  After I finally got the kids back to bed and settled I headed downstairs, my hope was to reason with him, as I reached the landing to the basement, I could hear him on the phone, bashing me to his ex.  I remember crumbling to the floor and crying literally, to God to save the children and I from this awful existence, from the hatred, contempt, disrespect and misery that had become every waking minute.  I prayed for my spouse to have an "awakening", to leave for anything to happen that would just stop the roller coaster that had become my life.

Just a few days later, God answered that prayer.  He didn't answer it the way I would have chosen and his answer created so much more confusion in my already confused mind that it took 2 years to realize that the circumstance he used was the right one.  It took time to clear the hate, the anger, the pain and the resentment that had built up in my mind as fact and reality to be removed and cleared, before I would see that what happened, though painful and confusing was God in control.  It would take that amount of time before I stopped wrestling for control and let God lead, as I prayed for him to do on so many occasions.

It took almost two years for me to accept that I was not a failure, that I had a right to happiness, though my spouse continued to live in misery.  It took me almost 2 years to accept that not all marriages are blessed by God and the dissolution of a marriage such as mine wasn't  failure, it was instead a saving grace.  I want to say that I wish I had realized this sooner, but I know that I needed to walk down the path that I did.   I need to come to the realizations the way I have, I needed to get where I am through the trials that led me here.  Though the process was painful at time, uncomfortable at others and humiliating throughout, I am thankful for what I have been through.  

While I was scrambling to save myself and my children, while we were drowning and others stood by watching, I learned so much about myself.  I knew after what my first husband had put me through I was a strong woman.  But through the abuse of my second marriage, I had forgotten how strong I was.  This particular journey not only reminded me how strong I was, it increased my strength.  I was also renewed.  I was renewed in myself, in my beliefs, my strength and in my relationship with God.  Though I felt like I was withering and dying, I was growing, I was changing, I was becoming who I was destined to be. 

I will forever be changed by the journey I was on, I will carry some scars and a piece of me will always be just a little broken. Not for a marriage that needed to end, bur for the larger family that was destroyed. For the children that suffered, for the  Brothers and Sisters that may never see or speak to each other again.  For the children that I loved and lost.   

The story isn't over, a new chapter is simply being written.  I don't know what tomorrow holds, where I will go next, but I know that God is in control, he always was, though I didn't see it.  For the first time in years, I am content, comfortable and at peace with where my life is right now.  I am confidant that God is in control and I am excited for the next chapter to be written. 

Stepping Stones

The block of granite, which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong.

~Thomas Carlyle

I am uncertain why life, this worldly one, has the incredible ability to shake my foundation so often.  Is that something that dwells within me?  Is it ordained that way?  Does my world shift and twist because I am strong enough to handle it, or because by some inner design, I want it that way?

I question often why so many strange and difficult obstacles cross the path I am on in life.  Wait, cross the path isn't right, block the path is more accurate.  

Psalm 37:23

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord

In the past, my friends (non-christian) would often tell me that I sub-consciously brought on these strange and difficult events that would block my path and move me to another, often just as bumpy one.  

In the current my friends (Christian) remind me that there is a divine plan from the Man and that at times, he needs me to take another path.

Can they both be right?  Can this partially be His will and my own doom?

I can certainly attest to the fact that my path is never blocked when times are a little tough, I am only thrown from the path when life is finally going really, really good.  And yes, during these really good times, I often think it's too good to be true, which leads me to my own blockage vs His blockage.

I wish I had the ultimate answer, because I don't.   I know that I am tired of getting on solid ground only to have said ground ripped from under me.  If I knew for certain, these times were designed by Him, I could embrace them and know that for sure, there would be good coming from them, but that little voice of doubt, saying on a level I do not ascertain, it's my fault, keeps me from embracing the challenge and change. It keeps me low and my faith dim.

I do not mind life's little stepping stones, we all need them to grow, prosper and thrive.  It's the big obstacles and road blocks that have me wishing I were stronger in my faith and that I had the answers.  

Psalm 31:3

Since you are my rock and my fortress; for the sake of your name, lead and guide me

I suppose in the end, the why or who of life's obstacles doesn't really matter. The obstacles are here, they exist, they must be overcome and moved through.  So I will move off this path, and slowly step onto the next, placing each foot tenaciously on each little stone in front of me, until I get my bearings again.

The only thing I can do, is move forward and keep moving.  I can't look down and I certainly can't look back, for if I do, I am sure to fall off that stepping stone and lose the footing I just gained and that isn't an option.

Isaiah 43:18

Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past

Thank you Father though I don't always know the reasons for the change of course in my life or why of it happening, I am confident that I am not on the path alone.  I trust you to hold my hand as I maneuver the new territory I am forced to explore and I know that you will catch me if and when I stumble off this stepping stone.  I do not know where I am going, but with you by my side I can make it through whatever rough terrain you throw my way!

~ In Jesus Name

Today's Inspiration: Community

A community needs a soul if it is to become a true home for human beings. You, the people must git it this soul.

~Pope John Paul II

The Gypsy Mama offers a fun and creative way to write on Friday's, when your done here, head over there and challenge yourself!  The goal is to write for 5 minutes on a given topic freely, without editing or pretext, just to write to enjoy!

Topic:Community

START:

Many years ago, when I was a young mother, my then pastor's wife talked to me about what it meant to be part of a community and how I could rely on my church family to help me raise my child.  

At that time, I didn't feel the sense of community and certainly didn't understand what it was she was referring to.  I felt alone and struggled alone.  While the church was great in many ways, there definitely wasn't a sense of community.  I believed then that "Community" in the church was just a made up term to try and connect it's members.

Since then I have found a new church.  One in which the sense of community is so strong and so present that I get what she was saying then.  I have also learned, for me, community is a loose term for Family.  For that is what the members of the church have become to me, Family.

I no longer struggle alone, raise my children alone or worship alone.  No matter what needs I have, I have someone with whom I can seek for guidance, support, love or encouragement.  And on the other end, I can provide those same things to the other members of my community and family.  

Community is real and it's important and without it, I wouldn't be where I am today.  I am beyond grateful.

STOP:

Hebrews 10:24

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.

Today's Prayer/ Praise:
Thank you Lord for this community you have given me and my children, for this extended family, for the encouragement, inspiration, education, love, purpose and home.  Without them, Without You, Without Community, I wouldn't be where I am today. 

Where does this come from

Today's Inspiration:

Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that.

Hate can not drive out hate; only love can do that.

I am not sure where these feelings deep down within me are coming from, I feel as if I am slipping into the darkness again and out of the light.  It's scaring me. 

I am suddenly overcome with overwhelming feelings of despair, frustration and fear and I really can not pinpoint anything in my life that would cause those feelings.  I also feel much sadness.

I am not particularly fond of these feelings and the old me wants to assume that my life is about to fall apart.  I am exhausted from fighting the all consuming negative feelings that are desperately trying to root in my conscious and overcome me.

The darkness that is enveloping me is causing me to look around every corner, behind every tree and imagine every worst case scenario I can, which is damaging enough, because I am still healing from the past two years and the memories of those two years are enough to send me reeling back to the darkness if I let them, I don't want to let them.  And maybe what I am going through is as simple as that, fear, that the sunshine in my life is only temporary and that soon I will be thrust back into the darkness that I can not control.  

Whatever is bothering my conscious and holding me back, I can't overcome alone, so if you read this post, please pray for me to remain in the light of God's unending love and that the darkness that is threatening to overtake me will not find root.

Jeremiah 13:16

Give glory to the Lord, your God, before he brings darkness, 

before your feet stumble on the darkening hills......

Today's Prayer

Dear Father~ I have been struggling the last few days with feelings of fear, despair, frustration and an overwhelming feeling of doom.  I know that what is of You and from You are not of the darkness and that only You can lift me up from this pit.  I lift myself to you and ask that you calm the raging storm of negative feelings within me and help me return to the shore intact and into Your glorious peace and light. I praise all that you have done in me and my life and all that you will continue to do.  I praise You also, that regardless of what happens in my life, You will be there by my side, to get me through.

~In Jesus Name

Tuesday Good Reads.....Crazy Love

Today's Inspiration

I asked Jesus ... "How much do you love me " And Jesus said ... "This much." Then He stretched out His arms and died.
- Unknown

I just finished the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan.  I realize that many people jumped on this Crazy Love bandwagon about a year or so ago, when I originally bought the book.   I however, did not read the book until recently when I downloaded it onto my kindle (favorite gift ever).

It was a long wait in getting this book read and finished, but it was so worth it.  Whether you have read the book a year ago or never heard of it, if you desire a deeper more substantial relationship with God, this book is a must read.  

Francis Chan explores the average Christians relationship with God in Churches today.  Throughout the book Chan encourages Christians to explore their relationship with God at the level it is currently and encourages them to push deeper into that relationship, citing examples in the Bible and of others who have exceeded the boundaries in their calling and relationship with the Creator.  


While reading Crazy Love, I was forced to take a good hard look at myself and my personal relationship with Christ.  Throughout this book I realized that I had a lot of work to do in myself and in my relationship with God.  I have put many suggestions in the book into play and anticipate reading the book again, a year from now to see where I have grown and where I still need to grow and encourage everyone to read the book at least once.


Francis Chan also included a video series to get you thinking deeper about your relationship with God for each chapter of this book.  These are also well worth the time it takes to check them out.  I have attached the introduction to crazy love at the bottom of this post!

Below I have included links to the book on Amazon and to the ebook, which is 2.24 on Amazon, not a bad deal to help grow your relationship with God. 

                                                                                                 

The above links are for the book or ebook.

Deuteronomy 6:5

Love the Lord your God, with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Prayer Journal.....

Today's Inspiration

After the writer's death, reading his journal is like receiving a long letter.

~Jean Cocteau

Just a little over two years ago, I began to faithfully keep a journal, which in a short time became a prayer journal.  I recently pulled the early journal out, in the hopes of transferring them here and was astounded by the amount of pain that came through on the pages, it was clear that during those early moments I was not only in a lot of pain, I was also confused and very self-centered in my prayers.  Much of those early writings, when things first happened, were an excellent reflection of my life, they were confusing and made very little sense, jumbled and hard to understand.


As I flipped further through the journal(s), I began to see God's hand in my life, even through the torment, fear, and uncertainty, I began to see where He was in control of my life and how I was growing through the trail I was in.


As I flip even further to more recent postings, my growth has become more centered and more apparent as I read those pages.  I am also able to see not only where God has been working in my life, but also where specific prayers  have been answered.


In a strange way, going back through those old journals and seeing where I was and where I am now, has helped me heal some of the old hurts and calm some of the underlying fears that I didn't realize were still burning within me.


It's helped me as I struggle right now with letting go and Trusting God to see where He has been working and answering those prayers and renewed my spirit to let go of these things I am afraid to release control of, for in my journals, I have irrevocable proof that God will handle it all.

Psalm 50:15

And call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you and you will honor Me......

Today's Prayer

Thank you Lord that you are there for us to call to in our moments of trouble, thank you that you rescue and renew us in moments of trail.  Thank you Father that you hold us steady when our paths are uneven.  Thank you that You will always love us and never leave us.

~In Jesus Name

Today's Inspiration:

People need loving the most when they deserve it the least.

~John Harrison

1 John 4:7-8

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves is born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love, does not know God, because God is love.

It sounds so easy, just love each other, as Jesus loved us.  But, wow, loving others, it is so incredibly difficult, or maybe it's just hard for me.  I truly want to like everyone and strive hard to love and show love to everyone I meet, but I find it so incredibly hard at times, and when it gets hard, I feel failure.

1 John 13:34-35

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

As we go out and about in this world and meet various people, some people are so incredibly easy to love.  They just have such loving, kind and agreeable personalities that you want and can't help but to love them for all they are.  They are also the same people that you can't wait to be around again. And they make us feel good as Christians, cause we pour our love out onto them and into them and around them with no problem. 

Hebrews 13:1

Let brotherly love continue. 

When you come across the opposite people, the disagreeable, conceited, arrogant, cruel, mean and hateful people, it is definitely a whole different ball game.  It's so incredibly hard to love people, who come across as very unlovable.  But THIS is the challenge Jesus calls us to with the most passion.  

  Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

It's not that he doesn't want us to love ALL people, but he challenges us with the difficult ones for certain.  If we were blessed to only love the easy and agreeable, there would be no challenge for us.  But Jesus calls us to be like him, he had a passion for all people, but He had an extreme passion for the broken, disagreeable sinners and so must we.  


So how in the world do we love those kinds of people? We try to empathize with them, try not to assume or judge them and pray, for the ability to love and to lift them up. 

Galatians 5:22

But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness

Chances are that many of the hard to loves of this world, didn't ever know love.  They probably don't know Jesus and have never been shown anything different from what they are.  People truly are products of their environment.  If they grow up in homes without love, how will they learn not just to love or what love is, if someone doesn't make an effort to show them and love them?  
This is what Jesus asks us to do, to step in and show them love, to teach them to love and how to accept love.  

1 John 1:7

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

From experience, I know this is so incredibly challenging.  I married a man that never knew love.  His love was given on a limited basis, his parents rarely ever told them they loved him, hugging wasn't the type of physical contact he received and praise was never given (in their defense, they raised him as they were raised).  To love him is hard, for him to accept love, is even harder.  It's a vicious triangle, but over the years, he has broken down some and while loving him today is still hard, it's getting easier, especially when I keep in the fore front of my mind, the conditions to which he grew up and the fact that love was not given openly and freely as it was to me.  I persist and I continue to love him, even when he is trying his best to make me hate him, for I am not just his wife, but I am a Christian and Jesus has called me to love.  And with my husband, he gave me my biggest challenge in loving.

1 Peter 4:8 

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

Loving people is a lot of work and takes a lot of effort for me.  It just doesn't come natural.  I constantly find myself having to reel back negative thoughts and emotions about the person who cut me off in traffic or the couple at church who despise my child for reasons I do not know, or the crabby customer service agent who is rude and uninformative.  I want so badly to give them a dish of their own, but I don't.  Instead I pray for them and force the love towards them, and it's a forced effort often.   I can't control how people act or who loves me or my children, but I can control how I react and how I love and how I teach my children to love.  I can do my part to fulfill Jesus destiny of love for everyone I meet or come into contact with, regardless of how difficult or challenging, I mean if Jesus could lay down his life out of love for us, then I can love all those in my life that make it hard or difficult to love, the family, the acquaintances and the strangers.  

John 15:13

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

Today's Prayer

Dear Father, 

Thank you for giving us the ability to love and for making the ultimate sacrifice in the name of love.  Help me to always have love in my heart for any person that comes into my life.  Help me to love everyone as you love us.

In Jesus Name~

Today's Inspiration

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.  The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.

~Thomas Edison

I can remember the days as a baby Christian, when I believed wholeheartedly that when I got to a certain point in my walk or when my relationship with God was at a magical point, life would be so easy.  All the tough times would be gone and it would be smooth sailing.  I am not sure why I thought that, for the bible never said that, maybe it was my ignorance to all the bible said, or just what I wanted to believe, but I have definitely moved out of my infancy in my Christian walk and relationship with God and my life is not any easier, in fact in some ways it's more difficult.

A few years ago I also reached a new level in my life as a mother.  My oldest child became a teenager.  Slowly this beautiful child that I once understood better than myself was becoming a stranger, until the point this past December, when I realized she was a stranger.  It wasn't just the normal changes that were taking place, it was far beyond those.  One day there was nothing about her that was the same.  Her walk, her talk, her dress, her attitude, her beliefs, her focus, her desires literally everything changed.  I realized that I had just entered a ferocious battle of spiritual warfare for my daughter.  Something every Christian can expect to enter into at some point in their life.

While my Christian walk had progressed nicely, there were still areas I was new to or green at and Spiritual Warfare is one of them.  For those that don't understand Spiritual Warfare (as I didn't), it's basically good vs. evil, God vs. Devil.  The devil uses those we love (people, possessions, desires) to keep us from moving forward in Christ and it's up to us to fight him using the weapons God provides in his word and prayer.

In my case, the devil finally found his hole in our hedge and my daughter was his number one target.  He has confused and manipulated my child into becoming someone she never was and believing and desiring things which goes against how she was raised and her own personal beliefs.  In short he has made my life and my relationship with my daughter a nightmare. He has used my daughter to inflict on me; pain, doubt, fear, despair, anger, resentment and hate and many more negative Satan controlled emotions.  While I am a Christian, I also am human and in moments of weakness, those feelings consume me, but only for a moment before I wake up and realize what is happening to me.

During the last 4 months of total despair with my teenager, I have learned one very important lesson; it's NEVER too EARLY to PRAY for your children.  I am not talking about the simple, keep my child safe prayers, I am talking about the deep prayers, prayers about friendships, decisions, direction, the good stuff.  It's hard to conceive if your a new mom holding a sweet and innocent infant that there would EVER be a time that your child would stray from you or worse, herself and God.  

My teenage daughter had always been a good girl, full of life and love.  She is now angry and full of hate and darkness.  She swears, she misses ALOT of school, she argues, she disobey's, she is mean and hateful.  It is terrifying.

I refuse to give up and let the Devil have her or anyone else in my family.  I fight every day, armed with the Word of God.  

Ephesians 6:10-17

 ¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

(When I pray this prayer for my teenager, or any of my children or family members, I put their name into it.  "Finally, (Name) be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  (Name) put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes........".)

The hardest part about fighting the fight with Satan for my daughter right now, is that she doesn't realize that she is even being used as his tool to destroy my relationship with God and hers.  Trying to get her to listen, that's next to impossible, so all I can do and all I have is God's word and Prayer.  But lucky for me, and anyone else in this situation, that's enough.  

Psalms 9:9

The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

God's word can comfort me and prayer can change it all.  No matter how hard it is (and at times it's HARD) or scared I am, I AM confidant the Lord is by my side and that the battle has been won. When the fear, frustration and terror of this situation consume me, or I am weary from the fight, I turn to the Lord and rest in His love, releasing to Him the problems I am facing and trusting Him to handle those problems.  In complete honesty, there are days I have to release my daughter and the situation more times than I can count, as something else happens throughout the day or I get the old urge to pull it back and handle it myself.  Each time though, it gets easier to do and I move one more teeny-tiny baby step forward.

Psalms 55:22

Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.

As a Christian, you and I can expect to be involved in spiritual warfare for the rest of our lives at some point or another.  Satan, isn't going to give up easy and life is going to go through some dark valleys, but rest assured that GOD wins and so will we.

I will win this battle against Satan and I will get my daughter back and I am sure Satan will try to then attack another loved one, but I will win that war too.  I will win every war that Satan wages against me, for no matter what he does or tries or who he ensnares, I will arm myself with God's word, go down on my knees and fight the fight with the Holy armor of God I have been given.

Today's Prayer:

OH Abba , 

Thank you for blessing me with this beautiful teenager.  I am not unaware of what a true blessing she is and a miraculous gift from you.  We are going through such a tough time right now, personally and in our relationship with each other, but I trust that You are in perfect control of this dire situation and that both my daughter and I will rise from the ashes of this attack, stronger, more confidant and closer to You.  I trust that you will heal any hurts we have between us or within us individually from the spiritual war being waged against us and that we will end up complete and whole in You, victorious over the scheming ways of Satan.  Until this war is over, I release to you this precious child for protection and peace and I release my own need to control and handle all that is happening.  Give me instead, peace in your works, gratitude that you work miracles and strength to continue to fight and confidance that You are in control.

~In Jesus Name

Today's Inspiration:

Wonderful Things Happen All The Time

It really is true you know, wonderful things do happen all the time.  Sadly though, most people don't know about the wonderful things happening everyday or think about them or realize what they are.  We live in a world where most of us take everything for granted.   

For instance, it's Spring here (most everywhere) and everyday wonderful, beautiful and simple miracles are happening.  Grass is getting green, trees are budding and flowers are starting to sprout. Those are wonderful things.  They beautify our surroundings and make us feel good.

Another wonderful thing that is happening, right this minute, somewhere in the world; a child is being born.  A new baby, full of life, promise and wonder is coming into this world, a child whose life could make huge wonderful impacts on the world.

Somewhere else, as you read this, a couple are taking vows to love, honor and cherish each other till death does them apart, and they mean it.  Somewhere else a couple is about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary and THAT's a wonderful thing.

Sunrises and Sunsets are wonderful things.  Beautiful and amazing, full of God's glory and beauty.  Even more wonderful, is the fact that we are here, alive and breathing to see those wonderful creations each and everyday.

Our world is full of wonderful and miraculous things, some simple, such as flowers budding and birds chirping, others complicated. But when we open our eyes and choose to look and search out the wonderful things of this world, we will find them, God will show us.  

Job 5:9

He performs wonders that can not be fathomed, miracles that can not be counted.

Through the dark points in my life, seeing the wonder in the world, was often hard to do.  It was hard to take the focus off the pain and misery that I was experiencing and search out the goodness, the wonderful, the miraculous.  To find any semblance of those things, I had to make a very concentrated and intentional effort to look and most days, honestly, I didn't want to.  During the darkest days, I wanted to wallow in my sorrow.  It wasn't until God had enough of my wallowing and prompted me to open my eyes to what mattered, not my pain or suffering, but His purpose for me through this pain and suffering.  Once God prompted, no pushed me out of my comfortable,dark, wallowing hole, I began to open my eyes to the beautiful and wonderful world I had hidden myself from for so long.

Like a child, everything was fresh and new to me.  Sunsets and sunrises were awe inspiring.  Blooming flowers and falling leaves were breathtaking.  Even my own body and mind was wonderful and new again.  I was able to see things through God's love and purpose, which gave me a whole new perspective.  News stories about death and destruction never seemed to reach me, but the few news stories about goodness and kindness seemed to always hit my news feed.  

It is no longer a concentrated or intentional effort to find the wonderful things  God has blessed us with, it's natural and all I see.

And if you are struggling today, in your dark pit, think of this, God is a wonderful being in and of Himself, one that will, if allowed, change any life and make it full of wonder, beauty, promise and love.

Psalm 105:5

Remember the wonders He has done, his miracles and the judgments he pronounced  

Today's Prayer:

Thank you Lord, for the wonderful things you give each of us.  For the big ones and the little ones, for the things we don't always even realize at first are wonderful and for those wonderful things we take for granted. Your wonder is amazing.

In Jesus Name~

ANXIETY, WORRY and TRUST

Philippians 4:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Anxiousness is something I definitely struggle with on a daily basis.  I am a thinker and worrier and a doer. I am constantly putting my energy into those things, which ultimately I know I can't control.  God tells us in Philippians 4:6 not to be anxious by anything but rather to turn it all over to him in prayer, petition and with thanks.  It is so simple to conceive, yet so hard to do.

The things I struggle with in regards to worry are of course, those closest to my heart, my family.  I have learned to let go of money worries, for God has never failed to provide those things I need,the things which only money can buy.  I have learned to turn over the little things in life, such as work frustrations,  car problems, and school, I know that God has my back there too.  

But when it comes to my family, my marriage especially, I seem to go blank and forget all the wonderful ways God has had my back and provided for me.  I know when I can finally let go of the worry, He will have my back here to, but yet I struggle.

Matthew 6:27 

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

My constant worrying and anxiety over my children and spouse, definitely robs me of time.  While I know that worrying about whether my teenager will pass her classes successfully at school or my spouse will remain true and faithful or decided he's ready to walk the walk of the Christian man he tries not to be, will not change the outcome of those events, I still lay awake at night worrying.  It's hard NOT to worry when your a parent or spouse and when you see the people whose lives are so closely intertwined with yours, struggle on deep and serious levels and with issues that could completely alter the path their lives are on.   It's especially hard, when you watch them make mistakes that you have already made.  

Matthew 6:34 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So what do you do, when you are struggling with worry and anxiety.  When the enemy's foothold is  robbing you of sleep and slowing you down.  You turn to GOD!  You trust GOD, you have no choice.  You lay all of your worry, all of the anxiety at his feet and TRUST him to handle the situations that are causing you so much damage.  It's hard and it's difficult to do, but it can be done.  Go down in prayer and ask the Lord to help YOU let go of your worries and anxiety and trust in HIM to handle the situations at hand.  I have to do this multiple times a day still, but each time I do, a little bit of the heaviness that was holding me down and holding me back is lifted and I gain the ability to Trust, just a little more the next time something threatens one of my family members.  

Psalm 91:2 I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Because I desire to overcome Satan and eventually banish him from my life and the lives of my loved ones, my only TRUE choice when worry and anxiety (which are some of Satan's weapons he uses to bring us down) is to turn it all over to my GOD.  I have learned, that though it's hard for me to do, by turning everything over to God and releasing those worries and anxieties to him, I essentially am getting out of his way and allowing him to really work on those things that have caused me so much worry and anxiety.  If I hold on to even a smidgen of the anxiety or worry, I will be in God's way.  Trust our Father to handle whatever situations cause you worry and anxiety and remove from Satan that foothold with which he is trying to get in and destroy your life.


Today's Prayer:


Oh Father,how thankful I am to have You, who loves me so much, you are more than willing to carry the burdens and worries in my life.  I release to you all the anxiety and worry that consumes me.  You know the the circumstances that I worry about and how I struggle with releasing them to You.  I am leaning on you to help me release those situations that I feel compelled to worry over and I trust that you have the situations in Your perfect control; therefore releasing from me the need to control, worry and stress.


In Jesus Name

GARY RHEA-TRUST IN THE LORD

Seasonal Marriage

God did not give me an easy man to love, understand, support or commune in marriage with.  God did not give me an easy marriage, what God has given me is the courage to continue, the strength to press forward and the desire to please not only Him, but myself and spouse also.

I have been married to my spouse for 10 years.  The first 2.5 were hard, the next 5 joyous and the last 2.5 trying and incredibly painful.  What I have learned through this journey of peaks and valley's is that I am much stronger than I had ever believed and far more determined to see my marriage succeed and reach the flat plains of consistency than Satan is to destroy it and that as unbelievable as it seems, God does have a perfect plan for me and my spouse.

My marriage has faced many difficult problems:  devastating and life altering injuries, financial ruin, legal problems, debilitating mental illness, divorce and adultery to name a few.  But yet I feel pressed by God to press on.  I am not going to lie and pretend there weren't times, numerous times, when I was ready to throw in the towel and move on, but each time, God brought me back to a place of forgiveness, determination and desire to not let the enemy win.   I won't be defeated by Satan and I won't let him steal my marriage, my children's family or God's desire.

I spend a lot of time in prayer currently for my husband, he is struggling with something and is slowly and deeply becoming withdrawn.  It's a very difficult season for me in this marriage, his desire to withdraw and push me away is very painful and hard for me to deal with, but I press on in prayer.  It's very difficult for me to sit back, my spouses withdrawal creates in me severe anxiety.  Because he has cheated in the past, my first inclination is to assume that is the cause for this new behavior.  It's hard for me to let go of those old fears and refrain from questioning him or being suspicious about why he is suddenly withdrawn.  God is working something in me through this scary season in my marriage and working in my husband something, as well,  I am confidant.

I do know from our past experiences that trails make me grow spiritually.  I am not sure that what is happening in my marriage could be classified as a trail, at least not compared to what we have experienced in the past, but it is certainly a dark period and difficult one, at least for me.

So for now, as hard as it is, I will submit to my God, my Father, all the fears, worries, anxiety, loneliness, desperation and hope that is within me Him, my husband, my mate, my love, and all of his fears, anxieties, stresses, strongholds and Satan's manipulations.  God is the only one who can renew the marriage and lead us by the hand out of this deep valley of darkness and back into the plains of sunshine and joy.

Today's Prayer:

Thank you Father, that your love for us is so pure.  Today, I lift up my marriage, my spouse and myself to your abundant care.  While I do not know what my husband is internally struggling with, you do.  While I don't know how to help him or talk to him, you do know how to guide me and use me to help my husband.  While I do not know the plans you have for each of us or our marriage, you do and I am confidant that through your love, mercy and guidance, we will come through this valley successfully and triumphant with a stronger relationship with You and each other.  Thank you Lord for taking our hands and leading us forward.
In Jesus Name.....

Mark 10:6-9

"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'  'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,  and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."