God did not give me an easy man to love, understand, support or commune in marriage with. God did not give me an easy marriage, what God has given me is the courage to continue, the strength to press forward and the desire to please not only Him, but myself and spouse also.
I have been married to my spouse for 10 years. The first 2.5 were hard, the next 5 joyous and the last 2.5 trying and incredibly painful. What I have learned through this journey of peaks and valley's is that I am much stronger than I had ever believed and far more determined to see my marriage succeed and reach the flat plains of consistency than Satan is to destroy it and that as unbelievable as it seems, God does have a perfect plan for me and my spouse.
My marriage has faced many difficult problems: devastating and life altering injuries, financial ruin, legal problems, debilitating mental illness, divorce and adultery to name a few. But yet I feel pressed by God to press on. I am not going to lie and pretend there weren't times, numerous times, when I was ready to throw in the towel and move on, but each time, God brought me back to a place of forgiveness, determination and desire to not let the enemy win. I won't be defeated by Satan and I won't let him steal my marriage, my children's family or God's desire.
I spend a lot of time in prayer currently for my husband, he is struggling with something and is slowly and deeply becoming withdrawn. It's a very difficult season for me in this marriage, his desire to withdraw and push me away is very painful and hard for me to deal with, but I press on in prayer. It's very difficult for me to sit back, my spouses withdrawal creates in me severe anxiety. Because he has cheated in the past, my first inclination is to assume that is the cause for this new behavior. It's hard for me to let go of those old fears and refrain from questioning him or being suspicious about why he is suddenly withdrawn. God is working something in me through this scary season in my marriage and working in my husband something, as well, I am confidant.
I do know from our past experiences that trails make me grow spiritually. I am not sure that what is happening in my marriage could be classified as a trail, at least not compared to what we have experienced in the past, but it is certainly a dark period and difficult one, at least for me.
So for now, as hard as it is, I will submit to my God, my Father, all the fears, worries, anxiety, loneliness, desperation and hope that is within me Him, my husband, my mate, my love, and all of his fears, anxieties, stresses, strongholds and Satan's manipulations. God is the only one who can renew the marriage and lead us by the hand out of this deep valley of darkness and back into the plains of sunshine and joy.
Today's Prayer:
Thank you Father, that your love for us is so pure. Today, I lift up my marriage, my spouse and myself to your abundant care. While I do not know what my husband is internally struggling with, you do. While I don't know how to help him or talk to him, you do know how to guide me and use me to help my husband. While I do not know the plans you have for each of us or our marriage, you do and I am confidant that through your love, mercy and guidance, we will come through this valley successfully and triumphant with a stronger relationship with You and each other. Thank you Lord for taking our hands and leading us forward.
In Jesus Name.....
Mark 10:6-9
"But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
