Evolving

e·volve

ēˈvälv/

verb

gerund or present participle: evolving

1. 1.

   develop gradually, especially from a simple to a more complex form.

   "the company has evolved into a major chemical manufacturer"

   
   

When I originally created this blog it was as a way to express myself and nurture myself though a very dark time in my life.  It was a way to help me make sense of what didn't make sense in my life and to work through it the way I best knew how.

A lot has happened since I first started writing in this blog and much has changed, the most significant thing that has changed though has been myself.  I was living in darkness constantly searching for the light.  I found it.

My worst case scenarios from the early days have come to reality and have come to pass.  I have survived that which I thought then I surely couldn't and most amazing is that I have grown and matured and learned and I'm thriving because of it all.

During the last few years, but the last year especially I have overcome and conquered things I thought I never would.  I am striving for and reaching goals, I am making dreams come true and I'm living in the moment in a way I could have only dreamed of.

As a result this blog is going to change and evolve with me.  I'm still a Mom of 4, I'm still a Christian and I still believe in the many of the same things, I still desire to share my stories  to help others. There's no format or right or wrong for me anymore.  There's just my thoughts and feelings thrown out on the World Wide Web for any and all to see. I stopped writing for a good while because I thought it needed to be a certain way, but then I was reminded that this blog was never for anyone but me anyway.   So if you stumble here I hope you find something to help you, inspire you, make you laugh or just smile.  

Unwritten

New Years for me has always been a time of both reflection and renewal.  New Year is the ultimate reminder to me that hope, promise, change and enrichment exist and are ours for the taking, if we choose to take it.  This year the promise of a new beginning and the knowledge that I was finally ready to write the words in the blank pages of life, has been healing; as well as: exciting.

The last three years have been extraordinarliy tough.  They have pushed me and pulled me in every direction.  They have tested, tried, twisted and tortured me at every turn and they have brought me to my knees too often.

The final trial and twist of 2012 has been by far the hardest yet and it left me feeling beaten.  I, for a moment, gave up.  I spent a short time not caring, not wanting, not needing, not hoping.  I questioned and examined every aspect of my life from myself to my beliefs and still felt beaten and ready to give it all up and accept a life of solitude and misery.  But that has NEVER been the true me.
I just don't know to quit.

So as I reflected through 2012, I looked through the trials and into the positive that came from them, came to conclusions about changes I needed to make and truly got excited for the stroke of midnight and the ball to drop that would allow me to move forward.

So this year is mine.  It is about me.  This year is about New beginnings, new chapters and a new life.  It's about writing the life that God has always intended for me to have. It's about pursuing my dreams and kicking fear out the door.  It's about life.  My life and it starts here.

Romans 12:2     

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.