Evolving

e·volve

ēˈvälv/

verb

gerund or present participle: evolving

1. 1.

   develop gradually, especially from a simple to a more complex form.

   "the company has evolved into a major chemical manufacturer"

   
   

When I originally created this blog it was as a way to express myself and nurture myself though a very dark time in my life.  It was a way to help me make sense of what didn't make sense in my life and to work through it the way I best knew how.

A lot has happened since I first started writing in this blog and much has changed, the most significant thing that has changed though has been myself.  I was living in darkness constantly searching for the light.  I found it.

My worst case scenarios from the early days have come to reality and have come to pass.  I have survived that which I thought then I surely couldn't and most amazing is that I have grown and matured and learned and I'm thriving because of it all.

During the last few years, but the last year especially I have overcome and conquered things I thought I never would.  I am striving for and reaching goals, I am making dreams come true and I'm living in the moment in a way I could have only dreamed of.

As a result this blog is going to change and evolve with me.  I'm still a Mom of 4, I'm still a Christian and I still believe in the many of the same things, I still desire to share my stories  to help others. There's no format or right or wrong for me anymore.  There's just my thoughts and feelings thrown out on the World Wide Web for any and all to see. I stopped writing for a good while because I thought it needed to be a certain way, but then I was reminded that this blog was never for anyone but me anyway.   So if you stumble here I hope you find something to help you, inspire you, make you laugh or just smile.  

Goodbye 2013

 

 

"Ends are not bad things, they just meant that something else is about to begin."

C. Joybell C

As 2013 quickly and abruptly comes to a close I will, as I always do, sit back and reflect on 2013 as I anticipate the New Year coming.  As I sit back and look at the 365 days that made this year I can only smile, laugh and rejoice.

As 2012 closed I had made up my mind to shut the door on all the difficulties that had encompassed and claimed my life for too long.  Enough was enough and it was time to really live life to the fullest.  I can say with confidence and pride, I did just that through all of 2013.

As that new dawn of 2013 lit up the sky,  I entered a new dawn of my own.  I had for the most part secluded myself for the last few years from everyone except immediate family and those I had to deal with.  As I rose January 1st 2013 I opened the door to my life to others.  A difficult and anxiety provoking task, but one of the long term best decisions I made.  Those who I had kept at arms length were now allowed to enter the barricades I had built around myself. 

Early in the year a song came on the Radio that so accurately described where I had been and where I was going in my life!  I embraced that song and made it my theme song.  I had spent much of my life "catching my breath and letting it go, turning my cheek for the sake of the show".  Throughout the last dozen years, I became conditioned to "riding waves, playing acrobat, shadow boxing the other half, learning how to react".  It wasn't the life I dreamed of or much of a life to live.  So in 2013 I decided it was time to STOP and nobody or nothing was " Going to hold me back, I ain't go time for that." My "heavy heart became a weightless cloud" I was determined that I would be "making time for the ones that count,  laughing hard with the windows down, leaving footprints all over town, keeping faith till it comes around".

While 2013 hasn't been free from challenges, it's hard to sit here late on December 31st and remember them specifically. That's huge!!!!

Throughout the course of the year I LIVED to the truest sense of the word for me.  I truly left footprints not just all over town, but all over the state. I met new people, I made goals and accomplished them, I experienced new adventures, I challenged myself, tested myself and learned to truly accept myself.  I made new friends and renewed the friendships of others.  I shut the door on those that were toxic and I focused on living the life I had always wanted.   I embraced change.  I forgave and forged ahead to enjoy many firsts and bask in past-times once forgotten. 

As 2013 closes I will look back in fondness at the memories made and the life lived and I will excitedly embrace the New Year with the same zest as I close this one out with.  I look forward to embracing new adventures again, meeting new people and continuing to learn to live in the moment and accept things as they come. I am sure there will be situations that test my strength, resolve and patience.  Times when acceptance is hard and letting go is harder.  I am sure there will be moments where insecurities slip in and my past fears surface.  But as long as I laugh more than I cry, rejoice more than I mourn and live more than I exist, it will be another year as spectacular as this one.